Our 5th Baby

Please keep our family in your prayers. Last week, David and I experienced the loss of our 5th baby.  At what was supposed to be our 8 week checkup, it was discovered that I was having a miscarriage.  He or she would have been due on Christmas Eve.  The news was very unexpected.  This pregnancy had been uneventful with no real warning signs that anything was wrong.  We came into the appointment excited about finally seeing our baby on ultrasound and full of anticipation.  We left in tears, with the ultrasound showing it was not a viable pregnancy, that the baby had probably stopped developing early on.  All the planning we had been doing (in the short amount of time that we had known I was pregnant) for our soon to be family of 6 came to a screeching halt.  Instead, all I had to look forward to were lab draws, more tests, and emptiness.

I don't really know what to say except that we are heartbroken.  This has been a very difficult time, both physically and emotionally.  I just keep asking God why? Why would You put us through this again?  The first miscarriage was terrible, but it seemed like it was just random.  Of all pregnancies, 20-25% end in miscarriage.  So it seemed like that just happened by chance, by some terrible statistic. After that first miscarriage, I had a healthy pregnancy and beautiful baby.  What reason was there to believe that it would happen again?  The previous miscarriage was always floating in the back of my mind with this 5th pregnancy, but it was a lot easier to push that thought away while chasing after my three very healthy and rambunctious children.  Why would God give me this beautiful little life and then take it away?  I especially feel like part of our family is missing.  We should have five babies.  Five! How is it that when you look at us, you see just three?

 In suffering, I have been clinging to these bible verses. "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30. "He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3.  I have to admit, these don't provide much comfort, but I have to trust in the Lord that He is with us, even if it doesn't feel like that right now.


Lord, I am so grateful for the three children you have given me to hold in my arms.  To rock, and to kiss, and to tuck into bed.  I just ask that you and Mary hold my other two children tight in your arms. Give them all the kisses that I can't, until one day we are reunited with You in heaven.