Well, I guess it had to happen eventually, but it breaks my heart to hear it. Eliana said this evening that she wished that she didn't have a little sister because Mom and Dad only take care of Magdalena.
Laney had an especially bad day today. I am currently typing this while wearing her in my Ergo carrier while bouncing on the computer chair, as this is the only way to keep her calm. Usually she sleeps pretty well during the day and doesn't hit her fussy period until dinner or after. Well today she started at 1pm. She basically ate and slept all morning, but after lunch she would not take a nap. She would fall asleep for a few minutes in mine or David's arms, but the second you laid her down, she was screaming. I paced the house with her. I wore her in the carrier. We went for a stroller ride around the block. Nothing would put her to sleep, and she was crying on and off all day. By 5pm, she was stuck in the "on" mode for crying - there was no off. William also had a rough day today, as he took a 15 minute car nap after church and decided that was all the sleep he needed for the day instead of his usual 2 hour nap. So by about 5pm, he was also exhausted, and crying that he was hungry and wanted a granola bar (a constant battle with him - he wants to snack all day and not eat actual meals, but that is a story for a different blog post). So I am bouncing Laney around, trying to nurse her and keep her calm, while also trying to comfort William and keep him from falling apart until dinner is ready, and trying to play will Eliana. We are sitting on the couch reading. First I read the book that William picks out. Then it's Eliana's turn to pick a book. We have been reading the chapter book Charlotte's Web together, a few chapters at a time. Eliana loves the book and doesn't want to put it down, but it is much harder for William to sit still and listen to, since there are just a few pictures and lots and lots of words. But as I start to read Charlotte's Web, Laney flips out and starts wailing. Nothing is calming her down. So I put the book down and start pacing the house with her again, telling Eliana she has to wait a minute while I take care of Laney. That's all that Eliana has heard the past few days - wait while I take care of Laney ... wait while I take care of your brother... wait while I nurse Laney. Twice in the past two days Eliana and I were supposed to work on her Halloween costume together but had to abandon the project so I could take care of a crying Laney. I am acutely aware of how much Eliana has been putting up with the past few weeks. I know she has had to wait while her siblings needs come before her own. But I was hoping she hadn't noticed. Or that maybe she didn't mind. Or maybe she would forget ...
That's when Eliana started crying. She said, "I wish I didn't have a baby sister. You and Dad only take care of Magdalena. I wish I could only be at school because at least my teachers take care of me." She said a few more things along these lines and I wanted to join in the crying too. It breaks my heart to know she feels so neglected. I never want her to think that I love her sister more than her. Now I have three crying kids, dinner is in the oven, and David is not home. So I did the best I could - I put Laney in the baby swing, where she cried very loudly. I figured she was crying in my arms anyway. I sat on the couch with my big kids and I wrapped one arm around my crying son and my other arm around my crying daughter. And I read Charlotte's Web as loud as I could over the tears. It was a pretty crazy scene. But I know it made a difference for Eliana. She stopped crying and snuggled in close. When David got home a few minutes later, he took William and finished making dinner. I picked up Laney and nursed her for the 100th time that day. And I talked with Eliana. I tried to empathize with her that having a baby sister can be tough. But I also explained that Laney is only a baby for a little while and that things will get better. Eventually she will be fun to play with and won't take up quite so much of my time. I told her how much I appreciated her being a big helper. We hugged and I kissed her, and then it was time for dinner. After dinner, I told David what Eliana had said, and he talked to her as well. They had some special Father/Daughter time playing this cat game on his phone. He told me that she said the same things to him - that she wished she didn't have a baby sister and that it was just her and William again. Parenting can be really tough sometimes. So many needs pull you in so many different directions. We are doing the best we can, but David and I are definitely being stretched thin right now. It seems appropriate that the readings for mass today were about prayer and crying out to God. I just have to lean on God right now to give me the strength to keep going and keep trying. To show me how to balance the needs of all of my children, my spouse, work around the house, and taking care of myself. If you would, please say a little prayer for us too. We could use a little extra help these days.
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