Last night I helped out with a church function. By the time I got got home, it was quite late and I could barely keep my eyes open. In my head, I ran through all the chores I had left to do but knew they had to wait. Right then, I needed sleep.
Today I had to work a 12 hour shift in the NICU starting at 7am, so I set my alarm for 5 in order to do all these chores that I couldn't complete the night before. I folded a load of laundry, picked up the toys in the living room, washed all the dishes from dinner the night before, swept the kitchen floor, stuffed inserts in William's cloth diapers, and packed Eliana's lunch and backpack for school. Plus I managed to get myself ready for work and only clocked in one minute late. As I reflected on my morning, I realized that I had accomplished more in an hour and a half before I came to work than I sometimes do in an entire day. Certainly I had done more before work than most people had who were working alongside of me. What would motivate me to do that? Why would I choose to have kids when I have to get up extra early just to pack a lunch box for school? Or stuff diapers? Or fold their laundry? I thought of my carefree days before kids. If I didn't feel like finishing some chores around the house, I could just wait until my next day off. No one was counting on me to finish those.
So is it worth it? If you ask, would I have rather slept in than wash dishes? Of course! I'm chronically sleep deprived. But if you ask, would I rather sleep than have Eliana and William? Absolutely not. They are worth ever minute of missed sleep. They are worth ever early alarm clock. Eliana continues to grow and mature before my eyes. She has these thoughts that actually make sense (that seems like a really strange thing to say - but I mean she has started to reason like a little person instead of just saying silly nonsense of toddlerhood). We were talking about Adele's birthday party and she was telling me all about the food she would like to have at the party. She said she wanted pizza just like her birthday party, plus hummus and carrots because they are her favorite foods. I realized that we were really having a conversation with a back and forth exchange of ideas. She is a little person with her own ideas and opinions. Then she told me about a song they sang in preschool today about a pickle looking for a hairbrush. She started laughing because "Pickles don't have hair!!" I once read that jokes are a sign of a well developed sense of language and cognition. William finds a game of peek-a-boo funny, but Eliana can understand the joke behind a hairy pickle. Where has my baby gone? It is moments like these that make the long days and short nights worth it. I get to watch my children grow up and be a part of the development of their personalities and character. I get to pull them into my lap and wrap my arms around them while I kiss their hair. I get follow them on secret adventures in the backyard balancing on tree roots. So yes, I get up extra early before work. Not to do my hair or put on my makeup; but rather, to fold little boy pjs and little girl socks. It's worth every sacrifice.
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