 |
| Cuddling with Mrs. Bear. |
 |
| Love this pic! |
So this past week I went back to work. It was harder than I expected. I thought that especially since I am working at night, I wouldn't mind. Because Eliana would be asleep for most of the time I am away, I didn't think I would miss much. Plus, it might be nice to get out of the house and have some adult interaction (although since my job is working in the NICU, my adult interaction still revolves around babies lol). And while all those things are true, I still really missed Eliana. All of the babies in the NICU reminded me of her. That little boy stretching is just like Eliana. This little girl rubbing her face looks like Eliana. That boy sleeping with his mouth open is just how Eliana sleeps. All of it made me wish I was home with my own daughter. And I started thinking is work really worth it? Eliana will only be this age for a very little time. Each day that I miss with her will be one day that I can't get back. If you had told me that when I first had Eliana, that just a few months later I wouldn't want to be apart from her for even a few hours, I wouldn't have believed you. I thought I would need my own time, my own identity. Now I find that what I want to do most with my own time is spend it with my daughter. I wouldn't guess that I would so quickly morph into "Eliana's Mom." Funny how kids can change you so much. But for now work I must. We will see what God has planned for me down the road, but right now I will be Nurse Rachel and Eliana's Mom. That just makes the time I do get to spend with her all the more precious!
has being a mom changed how you work with babies? I know when I went back to nights I would call Chris every night and first thing in the morning for a "report" even though I only missed about 2hrs of awake time! Hang in there! You are a good nurse so I'm sure your patients appreciate your return!
ReplyDeleteHaha, Stephanie, I do the same thing - I call David every night after I have been at work for about 3 hours. And usually there is so little to report because she is just a baby! But it is very reassuring to know that the world hasn't fallen apart just because I left the house. And it has been different working with babies after having one myself. The babies are more real to me now. I always knew they are people (just really small) but I think sometimes they almost seemed more like dolls. I hope that doesn't make me sound like a really terrible person! I just connect with the babies so much more now. I am definitely more emotional when they aren't doing well. I also respond much quicker when they are crying. I think being a mom has made me a better nurse, even if it is harder.
Delete