A nice fall day

So life has been moving on.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about the baby I lost.  But at the same time I rejoice in seeing my other two little ones grow and learn each day.  Last night David and I stayed up past midnight just talking about how cute our kids are.  How Eliana says the craziest things.  How she is sooo tall.  How adorable it is when William turns his head to the side and smiles his endearing smile.  How he likes to play "night-night" by putting his head down on anything soft, closing his eyes pretending to sleep, and saying "Night Night!" then popping up and laughing. Are all parents as crazy about their kids as we are?  Seriously, who loses sleep at night because they just want to talk about their kids' cute antics?!

It is strange when things about the baby pop up.  I'll be doing crunches at the gym, and think how I shouldn't have to be doing those right now.  I'll pass the wine section in the grocery store, and I'll want to buy a hundred bottles, just because I can drink now.  I'll be shopping for new shoes for Eliana, and I will inevitably see shoes in newborn size and wish I had a reason to buy them.  A baby died in the NICU where I work recently, and I cried at work for almost an hour.  Every time I thought I was fine, I would just start crying again.  Death happens in the NICU, although luckily rarely, but I have never taken it this hard before.

The pangs of grief hit every day, but they have slowly become easier to deal with. 

And my two little blessings help me move forward, because they need me every day.  So here is what we did today.

Although it was a little wet and cold, the kids were really going crazy inside.  Eliana kept tackling William and would not leave him alone.  Finally I just threw their coats on and ran out the door.  I asked Eliana where she wanted to go and she voted for the river.  So to the river we went!  We walked down the hill to the river and then along the river's edge, throwing in sticks to watch them float.  Then the kids discovered this:

The pier had been pulled out of the water, which they found great to run on!

And the best part - the sun came out while we were running around outside.

 I had spent a good part of the morning thinking of where we could go to play -the library, paying to play at an indoor play place or trampoline jump place, etc.  But even in the cold fall morning in Ohio, we can still enjoy being outside.  They just loved exploring nature - checking out sticks and shells by the river and playing hide-and-seek by the pier in the parking lot.  How easy is that?

In the afternoon while William was napping, Eliana and I did a little Christmas project.  We made cinnamon ornaments, which I remember making as a kid.  We had a great time!  I couldn't believe it when William woke up and I realized that two hours had passed without even noticing it.  

 Here is how to make cinnamon ornaments:

Mix together:

• 3/4cup applesauce
• 1cup cinnamon
• 2 Tbsp other spices (nutmeg, allspice, cloves, more cinnamon if you prefer)
• 2 Tbsp glue

Mold and form into a ball.  If it is too wet, add cinnamon.  If it is too dry, add applesauce.  Ours was just right following the recipe as closely as a three year old can measure.  Roll dough out flat between two pieces of parchment paper.   Use cookie cutter to cut out ornaments.  Use a straw to punch a hole at the top of each.  Bake on a parchment paper lined baking sheet in a 200 degree oven for two hours, until dry and hard.

The only downside to this was William thought they were cookies (Eliana was also taunting him with them...) and cried because we wouldn't let him eat them.  Eliana kept saying, "William, they have GLLLUUUUUE in them!" and then laughing.  I admit though, they smelled so good I almost wanted to eat them!