Lest you think our life is all cute toddler kisses and roses, I will share with you our latest struggle. Eliana has become a terrible sleeper. This has been going on, on and off, for about two months now. She hates naps, rarely sleeps through the night, usually getting up once or twice a night, and often wakes up for the day between 5 and 6am. While that has been trialing, it was tolerable. Now, however, I am really struggling. Eliana has become a terror at nighttime. Or maybe terrified? When bedtime comes, Eliana has refused to get in her bed and started screaming. She says "no bed, no dark. Bed is bad, dark is bad, sleep is bad." She just screams "mommy" over and over again. This has been going on for four nights straight. I don't know what is going on. Is she having night terrors? Is she scared of the dark? Is she having separation anxiety with mommy and daddy in the other room? She has been going to bed late, getting up in the middle of the night and staying up for hours, and waking up early. What do I do? David and I made a game plan last night. No more rocking her to sleep or letting her sleep in our bed (which I had been doing sometimes in the morning when she wakes up really early). We put her to bed and when she gets out of her bed, we just put her back in it. It is so hard to hear her cry laying in her bed, but cuddling her has not been working. Last night this went on for about four hours from 11:30 to 3:30 before she finally stayed asleep in bed. Hopefully it will be better tonight.
This has shown me, though, a little more what true love is all about. It is easy to love a cute, well behaved, healthy, and smart little girl. It is a lot harder to love someone who cries for hours on end for no apparent reason, especially night after night making you completely exhausted. When she's not the perfect child, can I still love her? It has been so hard. I have gotten so upset and frustrated with her. To tell the truth, I have really not enjoyed being her mother these past few nights. Every night I have prayed for her to sleep and for me to have more patience. Love, however, is not the same thing as Like. I might not like Eliana very much right now. I might get upset with her and wish she would behave differently. But through it all, I stick with her and do the best I can. That's sacrificial love, that we as Christians, and especially as parents, are all called to. I do love her, even if it doesn't feel like it all the time. But I remind myself that this too shall pass, and soon some other thing will be our biggest struggle.
Please excuse this disjointed rambling post from an exhausted mother. I just needed to vent a little. If you would, please keep us in your prayers. Things always seem worse than they are when you haven't had enough sleep.
I thought having a toddler was all cuddles and kisses? Wait, I know better : ) Camden just got over a short-lived fear of "bad guys" at bedtime. We bought a "special" Toy Story nightlight ($1.50 on Amazon) that seems to have gotten rid of those pesky bad guys (he already had a regular night light, but this one is better of course). We also have an Onaroo OK to Wake light that turns green at 6:30am (or whatever time you set it). He doesn't even try to get up for the day until it turns green because "green means wake up!". When you're tired, it is so hard to keep your patience which you certainly need with little ones. I like the phrase "The days (and nights) are long, but the years are short"...seems to fit! I'll say a prayer for you as you work through this phase. Thanks for sharing, it's nice to know we aren't alone :)
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